Contemplating.

What is it that I am contemplating? Anorexia. I kid you not. Every time I look in the mirror, not only do I feel this sinking feeling in my stomach, I also want to barf at the sight of me. Maybe bulemia would be a better route.. Every time I think about that wedding dress (which is pretty frequently through the day, I think I have created a kind of relationship with that dress that isn't healthy in any way, shape or form..) a creeping sort of anxiety builds up inside. I know it's unhealthy, but I think about losing weight all the time, even as I eat this super fattening burger. Just kidding. About the burger part. Also, living in the same house as TJ and Jed isn't very good on my eating habits. They are the things nutritionists nightmares are made out of. If I avoid food completely, their unhealthy ways wouldn't rub off on me, yes? I'm also trying to start this P90X thing, but it also doesn't help that those two sleep in the living room (where it's the only place where you can do any kind of work out routine). I think TJ needs to go back to Seattle and take Jed with him. Just kidding (not really, they really do need to go.. for my sanity and weight control)!

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, anorexia is the best option for me. Wish me luck!

Starting from scratch.

Yay, another blog about the guestlist. Guestlist guestlist guestlist. You think by now we'd have a cement one in, but we are faaaaaaaaaaaar from it, I am completely far from it. You see, I wrote a rough one about a month ago, and to be honest, I regret writing it. I wrote it based on emotions alone, and a lot of the people on this list were written down out of guilt or I couldn't say no to their face when I was asked point blank. (And who the EFF would ask point blank, unless you're a fob? I'm not condoning fobs, I love fobs! Well, I'm not IN love with them, Ryan's obviously not a fob, but I think I should stop now before I get my a$$ kicked, but you know what I mean) The point of a wedding is to celebrate two people who are joining their lives together, not to bring people who you're kind of close with but not really to a big party so they can have fun. No. This is why I am re-writing my guest list, and the people making the cut are the people I cannot live without. Not the people who suck up to me just so they can go to my wedding and New York. Not the people who have been completely fake or have lied to my face numerous times. Definitely not the people who weren't present when I had to face a really sad period of time with my family. If you assume that you're invited, think again. This guestlist is being re-worked and re-vamped. As of now, the only ones invited on my list are family and the bridal party. Names will be added after I think about how real you are.

If I was okay without you in the past few months without messaging/calling/letting you know that I miss you, you sure as hell won't be missed during the big day. I'm not afraid to offend anyone from here, heck, I'm out of here in 4ish months, so EFF YOU. <3

PS. Florence Cajiuat, this is not about you. Really flo? REALLY.
PPS. I think it's lame that people all of a sudden are my friends because I'm getting married, I also think it's lame to suck up to me because I'm getting married.
PPPS. I also think it's lame that I have to write a blog about it, but HEY, it happens apparently. Don't worry, the next blogs are going to be back to my normal self.. after I slash names off of my old guestlist. :)

Date Stamp

So, like, when is your wedding?

I must have heard 100 different versions of this question in the past little while. And trust me, if I had the answer, you wouldn't have to ask me. I get people left and right asking me, pressuring me and making sure I know that it's so suuuuper important that they know the date so they can book time off/let instructors know/ask parents permission/make budget calendars/book tickets already, etc etc. Trust me, I'm not being resentful, I'm happy to know that people are really wanting to be there for Ryan and I, but at the same time, it doesn't help that on top of dealing with my citizenship, wedding plans and my usual stressful life, I have to deal with everybody and their questions. We would set one if we could, but our hands really are tied.

Out of all the people wondering when the wedding is in this whole entire world, I can honestly say that the most worried people about the date are Ryan and I.


PS. Because I am super stressed, all questions can be re-directed to Ms. Kathrina Alvarez. I'm going to start call forwarding all phone calls and emails to her cellphone. THANKYOUTRINAYOU'RETHEBESTMOHEVER.

PPS. I'm going to start keeping a bag of rocks in my bag, and if I see someone walking towards me with a purposeful stride and a determined look in their eyes, I'm going to start throwing rocks at them.

Empire State of Mind

It seems like there are people who are wanting to go to the wedding just so they can go to New York. That's no reason to go to a wedding, right? CUT. NEXT.

In other frustrations (haha), why are wedding bands so freaking expensive? Especially at Tiffany? UGH, arm and a leg. ARM AND A LEG. I guess it'll have to be my right arm. :p

Wedding planning is going alright, we have options for all of the plans, so all we need to do is book. C'mon wedding date, that's all we need..

Bridesmaids? Bleh, how come I spend so many hours looking for dresses that I'll never wear? And yet I haven't found anything yet. Siiiiighhh...

And one last thing on my mind, how the heck am I going to bring all of my crap from here to there? I stand in the middle of my room and I feel like crying sometimes.

Of Doves & Cookies

Last January, on my way back home from the Philippines I stopped over in Tokyo for a couple days. I met up with a friend of mine who used to live in NYC and she ended up giving me what seems to be Mae and I's first engagement/wedding gift:


ahhh doves I get it..


Cookies! (don't mind the KitKats..although those are good also)
So cute!

I waited til I saw Mae again so we both could try them. Tasty!

Thanks again Yuko!

Emo No More.

Sunshiney out and a whole bunch more stuff checked off my list, I can't be emo anymore.

Since I'm wearing flats (hell no am I wearing heels all day and all night!), the question is... to colour or not to colour? I'm thinking purple peep toe flats. What y'all think?

The emo-ness of this blog is uncharacteristic.

** Please disregard all of the emo-ness of this blog, it's been 24 hours since he left and the little phase I go through every time hasn't worn off yet. **

Alicia Keys - Love is a Disease. This is my jaaaaaam.

Seriously.
The way I feel is like how a little kid has their candy taken away. And trust me, this kid is super fat and loves candy. Now, fast forward 20 years, and instead of candy, it's my fiance that's taken away. THAT is the kind of crappy I'm feeling. That kid LOVES candy.

The reason why I know I want to marry this guy, other than the fact that he has the coolest dog in the world (yeah, my priorities ARE in the right places) is because of the feeling when we get to the airport and we have to say bye. That feeling of not being able to live life properly without the other one there. My heart falls to my knees as he gives me one last hug, as he tries to say the right words to make me feel better, yet it just makes me feel worse because I won't be hearing that voice anymore, and I'm trying to soak up the sight of him before he walks away. My heart finally hits the floor as he walks away... and turns for one last look, one last glance. It's that look that kills me.

I'm going to go eat some candy now.

9 and a little bit more hours...

Until Ryan finally arrives in Vancouver. It's been a few months since I last saw him and I'm pretty excited.

Unless that is off setted by the rising feeling of doom creeping up my stomach. Why? This is the first visit after we got engaged, and this will be the first time we will seriously sit down and have a real full conversation about wedding planning. Yikes.

I wonder if he'll be down for eloping.

To hyphenate or not to hyphenate?

That is the question.

Lawson-Castro? Or Castro?

Groomsmen

For the groomsmen, I don't feel I have half as much of a problem. They're all pretty laid back, so my main concern is just getting them to show up for fittings. haha. I think we're definitely buying suits out right rather than renting tuxes. Suits in general have become so cheap from a wide variety of sources that it just makes more sense to me. Even if you factor in the price of tailoring, its still not bad at all.

also..I never knew J.Crew had an entire Wedding Section ?

Bridesmaids

If someone can show me the right direction to do this, I'd super appreciate it. Doesn't help that all of my bridesmaids have 7438190783912689 different styles and trying to accommodate them all isn't going to be very easy. Maybe I can make our wedding rainbow coloured so that they can wear whatever they want. Hmmm...